Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just had sex bonerless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
