K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
