whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize