thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
