Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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