none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
