you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
