dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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