Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
