I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
