sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
