How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
