New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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