Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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