White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
