Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize