he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
