He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize