she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
