So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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