Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
