we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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