he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
