the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
