Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
