I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize