my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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