I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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