she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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