Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
