piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
