he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This baby is an asshole
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
