I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
