worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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