oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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