Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
