I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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