OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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