its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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