Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize