someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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