this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's blow job season.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
