Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just got carded by a ten year old.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
