smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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