you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
