just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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