I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize