You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
