Taylor Swift is so right about you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
