Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
