its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When are your genitals available?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
