your parents love me but you hate me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
