i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize