Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
