Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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