I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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