A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
