I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
