she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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