If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
