I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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